Musing Moments

Me, Nancy and Rody   I made a beautiful friend last year at a Cancer Camp I went to. When she walked into the Cabin she was assigned to, the same one as me, she looked quite tentative.   We spoke and I assured her she was not on her own that weekend.   And, what followed was a blast of a weekend, so much fun, laughter and sharing.     Nancy returned six months later for the Fall Camp Bluebird which gave us more time to chill and expand our memories, myself and all those others who came to know Nancy. A friendship was formed that enriched my life and hopefully hers. Nancy was many things, a wife, a mom, a grandma and a TWIN! Nancy was a beautiful artist; her paintings are treasures.   She also created handmade dolls and her rock painting was supreme! Such detail and creativity on everything she created.   The stream texts between her and another mutual friend were uplifting and also supportive in nature no matter what any of us was going through. I ...

  There is so much unfiltered sharing on social media these days that you can’t help but wonder if far too many have lost sight of the idea of boundaries.   Perhaps we should be reinforcing them more often. Free speech and expression is creative and stimulating but there should be some limits. For years it was too restrictive and thank God that is not the case anymore. But have we swung too far to the other side?   Do people run the risk of losing the ability to withhold information about themselves and filter what comes out?   Boundaries, whether out in the public or interpersonally, help define the parameters of who you are.   They are what you create to decide how far to let someone in close to you. Recognizing the need for them and enforcing them leads to hopefully creation of walls figuratively so true intimacy is left for very few.   Having established boundaries is important because it empowers you to have limits you set, not the rest of the wo...

  Aging gracefully, what the heck does that mean anyways? I keep hearing that expression!   The implication is I am in that class and should be ‘doing’ it. Does it mean I am supposed to be more patient?   Is the expectation to be deliberate in my speech? Should I walk more sure-footed?   Reality is that ain’t happening!   My patience wears thin, my speech is uncensored and my balance is off.   I try to hang in there but if my days are numbered why should I? I want to scream get a move on world. Nothing worse than a slow check-out line!

   I feel it on my shoulders, I feel it in my skin, It rumbles from within.     The sky could be clear, And the sun may be bright, But in my mind, inside my head, I see very little light.        Depression, that big ugly word, The one nobody wants to say, The feeling nothing is okay.         It is as if the rain cloud hovers, And it is hard to take cover, Rain falls directly on your head, And consumes you with a feeling of dread.           The world feels bleak in your eyes, Very black and full of unexpected demise As the tears begin, you are overcome, You must recognize your life is not done.                  With that realization, Reach out to a friend, Somebody who cares, Someone who helps you bend. Look beyond today, a different way, towards hope, not tunnel vision like looking through a scope.     ...

  She ran as fast as she could on that hot day in July.   Looking ahead to her finishing line, it motivated her even more to give it her all.   She was screaming, full of excitement. She did not   give it a thought that her arms were flailing more than pumping and that might be slowing her down.   She was on a mission! As she reached within herself for a final push, she smiled knowing victory was eminent. All were in awe and knew her reward would be worth it! She stepped up to the window of the ice cream truck.

  Oh Fickle, I am in a pickle, Someone has turned sour, And it is worse by the hour.   You thought she was your friend, That you’d be sharing things until the end, But the end can soon, And your friendship blew up with a boom.   It was not subtle, it was quick, Yum, like a dynamite stick.   Missteps without understandings, without talk, Makes people want to shut down and walk, It leaves no time for lessons learned, And you stand idle feeling burned.   Exposing yourself is hard, You do it willing with ones who care, Then when you find they don’t, Your feelings are left bare and it feels unfair.   Shake it off, Hurt and bad feelings shouldn’t be stored, Otherwise you are that ship in the dock That just stays moored.   Don’t let it get your down, If you felt you were gutted and knocked to the ground. Some friendships are meant to last, And some should be left in your past.     If you truly want a friendship seed to grow, Know the work you need f...

  This book I happened upon by accident or rather luck. It was a phenomenal read. It was a bit difficult to really get in the head of the man character at first, Denny but when you do, so much of the man makes you realize the innocence and joy that can come from just ‘being’ and not walking around with a playbook of alternative motives and hidden agendas. First, the book will make you laugh out loud! Denny is extremely funny without even trying to be. He reminded me of my autistic grandson, if he had a voice as he is non-verbal.   I envision his way of seeing and processing the world would be similar to Denny’s. We equate intelligence to wisdom and yet when you stop and think about all the small things in life and accept them just for what they are instead of analyzing them to death, life IS a lot simpler. That's how Denny is. So, when he gets thrown into a situation that causes intense stress, it's very hard for him to process everything. But, at the same time, there we...

  I love how he listens to me, absorbing all I have to say. He’s attentive at these sessions, giving me the freedom to speak unfiltered. Each time, I take a comfortable seat next to him.   He gives me a signal with his eyes that says, “Begin pouring out your heart.”   I expel all the dark ugly thoughts and questions that are in my soul.   I try to follow his lead, actively listening to myself to determine what I need to hear.   What will put me on the path of recovery and move forward?   His bark lets me know he understands. 

  I see children playing carefree, Making pictures with crayons, I see smiling teachers standing nearby. Show they are truly the kids’ fans.  The little ones songs of glee, Fill the air with joy, As some dance in circles, Haphazardly around toys.  Laughing and holding hands, With not a care in the world, Thinking life is innocent, As their vision is swirled. Out of the day full of lightness Where worries are few Not a cloud in the sky, And in an instant, the mood turns blue. It sounded a lot like a drum, That had more of a pop, The teachers looked alarmed As suddenly students started to drop. A puddle of red,  Was forming underneath a head, The screaming was intense, As children have a sixth sense. They seemed to know danger was near, They all cowered around each other in fear. Not knowing where to go,  They pleaded with the adults in the room, And locking eyes with them, The sounds continued to boom. It was like the classroom was evolving into a human tomb. ...

 She walked in quietly but attracting all the attention as she entered the double doors.  She stopped to take in her breath and gather up the momentum to make the long walk down the aisle. Her heart was beating so hard it felt like it would burst. With no one to support her and walking alone, each step felt like she was walking in concrete. Her life flashed before her eyes, the carefree childhood followed by turbulent teen years. Now here she was, making another huge step towards the future. As she approached the bench, she said “Here your Honor."

  He had me alone. I was apprehensive.   I had no idea what to expect. This would be my first time so I was full of lingering questions. Would I regret this?   Would he be gentle?   Would he care about my feelings and not be too preoccupied with his own? I knew he was experienced. He was going to be content being in charge and I suppose, truth be told, I could simply be docile and just savor the moment. “Ready”, he asked.    I heard myself say “Now or never” as he took off down the runway for my first flight.

  Women spend a lifetime worrying about it.   No number is sufficient to give them eternal peace of mind. If they look at the scale, they then have to double check in the mirror to ensure the scale is not off a pound or two. It cannot be possible that both are accurate, the mirror image they are seeing and the scale. Thus, begins the dance. They turn to the right and then to the left to determine do both sides look the same? If not, which one is better? How much more is it improved if they suck in their gut and pull back their shoulders harder and further than is their normal stance?   Next comes out the hand mirror in the bathroom.   God forbid they would not check the rear view, as if everyone that comes in contact with them will be looking at their backside after they said long said good-bye.    This view needs to be seen from multiple angles of the hand-held mirror as it could be deceptively inaccurate. It must be a precise picture in their mind mak...

  I am driving and something catches my eye. I see red, green, blue and three other colors up in the sky.   The colors serve as a reminder that we are all together.   Everyone sees the colors differently but the image of a vibrant color scheme is uniform.   With a heavy breath, I am struck by what it symbolizes. I feel a light in my soul for the expectation of future change and the part we must play.   As the hues transition, we must embrace change. I sense a movement even though the air is still, as the Pride Flag waves.

  I was looking forward to it, strange as that sounds. It had been twenty-four hours since the last time. My thoughts now were obsessed with it; my body signals could not be ignored nor could it function properly without it.    There are times in our day to day life when we must put all else on hold for something routine that our body craves. This morning was it for me, my belly was groaning.   The pressing need took priority over everything. I walked into the other room to rectify what ailed me. Ah, the sip of coffee, my biggest craving!

  She was tiny, a naive little girl with big dreams.   Her mother had always told her that they would find a better life, a comforting home but it would have to be in another land. Theirs was plagued with far too much ugliness.   It took months of planning, days of traveling but eventually they finally reached their destination.   Mom, within days, had found and rented a very small petite apartment that was scarcely larger than the small garden they had at her original home, the only little shack the little one had ever called ‘home’.   They had lived in a rural community and this one, where she now called home, she woke up to daily to many sights and sounds that were all foreign to her.   Her mother assured her, this home would be special, it would be better.   The journey was leading to good things ahead for both of them. She had faith and bestowed it on her young daughter.   The little girl embraced all the change with a spirit of innocence...

  She projects happiness but feels anxious. Here she sits, face to face, with a stranger. Nervous and full of questions but appreciative of a new relationship. She tells him she is anxious but excited to be here with him. She listens with trepidation as he says to her, “I’d like to make you smile. “ Having another person in her life that cares about her, even at this early stage, gives her a warm feeling.    Perhaps she should let go of her fear and trust where this might go. And so, she relaxes as she sinks...... into the dental chair.