Book Review: Home by Amy Smyth Miller (A Memoir of Family, Forgiveness and Healing from Complex PTSD)

Thank you to #NetGalley and #AtmospherePress for an advanced copy of this book to both read and review!   #HOME #PTSD #Memoir

Amy Smyth Miller  had a very rough start to life being raised in a dysfunctional family.  She literally was moved countless times, sporadically even homeless. She switched schools so many times in the course of several school years, it was hard to keep up with the storyline where she was at and which grade. 

The parents of this family were disturbed with deep seated emotional issues that needed help.  They seemed to be the only ones that didn't realize it! And thus, we have children at the mercy of bad parenting.   

I have worked in foster care homes through CASA that  had more assistance for both children and parents than this family ever got. Our main character, the oldest sibling,  was neglected, made to take care of younger children when she was just a child, and not given direction.  Support should be a given in a healthy home but it wasn't in hers. Being deprived of food and suitable clothing for school put her on the receiving end of ridicule.  Her childhood was stressful, chaotic and depressing.

The book was well written but it is heart-wrenching to read. It's an honest portrayal of a life, a childhood, without much to celebrate. Her life was focused on survival, how to push ahead when everything is knocking you down and going wrong.  We see, underneath it all, an air of resilience of this author to survive in spite of it. 

Parts of the story were relatable to me.  What goes on in the four walls of a house many do not know.  Her book opened up our eyes to what lies within hers.  More people, e.g. teachers, administrators, should have brought this to the attention of Children Services.  The travesty was taking care of children was not a priority for either parent but trying to meet their own needs was.   

The author is extremely honest about her parents and forthcoming about herself as well, which made the novel much more meaningful. She does not sugarcoat anything and we see what it is like for a child that has to basically fend for themselves and at times, their parents.  The details are intentional and needed but at times, perhaps there could have been less because it did seem to get redundant in places.

I have mixed feelings about the author’s willingness to forgive her parents and her making the assumption some of the blame for her own poor choices was with her.  Having been of a part of a dysfunctional family and working in the past with a few of those types of families, children are too quick to assume some sort of responsibility for their parents’ short comings.  Personally, I don’t feel excusing bad behavior is a good solution or a good recovery plan. I would rather see a child from this type of home recognize the issues; forgive the parent at some level for the pain they inflicted and then move on.  Accepting responsibility for choices made by a child in a home that’s dysfunctional is putting some of the blame on the shoulder of the child. 

Hopefully that is what this book does for others, helps them recognize nobody gets a free pass for bad parenting. And that parenting can directly cause children to make poor decisions.  But, if  learning occurs after much thought, reflection and therapy what was wrong and what lessons we should have been taught, we can prevent a repeat cycle.  We can learn and grow from the despair, from the ashes of our own childhood.

Note:  Complex PTDS is addressed in this story and explained quite well! 

 *****Read the book and see what you surmise.  It is a moving story and opens your eyes to what a home is not for many children.